BooBoo Lovely Lumps

I'm not lying when I say that I copied and pasted this exact message, I changed nothing. Be warned...

wanted to know how much will u charge for a bubble guppies tier cake

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I seriously don't know where to start on this one. Hmmm... I think... The fact that she's missing the subject of the sentence will be a good starter. Who the hell wanted to know how much "u" will charge? It can't be you because I don't even know your real name. You think you're so cute and creative because you have some ridiculous name like BooBoo Lovely Lumps. Which brings me my second point of why the letter "u" charges to make cakes? Was is that physically painful to take the extra time to add a subject, full pronouns, punctuation, or to even make sense? What's a bubble guppies tier cake anyway. I mean a cake is a tier so yes, I can make a cake that's why you contacted me in the first place. If you mean can I make a 2 tiered Bubble Guppies cake the answer is... Yes dumb ass!! You just wrote me from my FB page where I have over 300 amazing cakes... But gosh, I just don't think I have it in me to make a Bubble Guppies cake, it's just too hard.

Go back to school, learn how to write... And use the name your momma gave you. Unless, that is your real name then I'll totally do your cake for free and shoot your mom for you. I'm sorry, she should have known better.

Fish It Out Now Bitch!

This is from a Bitchy Baker who happens to be a close friend! She has been doing cakes for awhile, but just recently decided to officially start her business. She shared her story with this bitchy baker so lets just say there was lots of bitchyness to go around...

Getting a order for a cake months in advance is always nice, it gives you plenty of time! Especially when your going on vacation. So, I let the customer know that her order is my first available date because I will be back from vacation 4 days prior. So, I'm back from vacation and start the details immediately because I don't have much time. Progress is going well. My daughter's birthday is the same day as the delivery so I decide instead of making her a custom cake like I normally would I would buy her an ice cream cake to focus all my attention on my order. I get an email from the customer stating that the party has been canceled but can she move the delivery time up 24 hours. CRAP! Well suuure cause I don't have a full time job, your cake, and my life to deal with! But yeah, no prob! Oh, and I go out of my way to ask her if she would like to cancel or change the order. I tell her  that it would be fine if she needed to because of the canceled party (I don't normally do that but felt considerate). She says no, she wants the order, just sooner. OK! I finish the cake and drive to meet her for delivery. I'm super excited because the cake turned out great! I speak with her and she says she's on her way. I get to the meeting place at the agreed time...No customer.  I text, I call... nothing. Just to be clear, I heard JACK SHIT! I wait 45 minutes before going home. I'm soooo upset and not sure what to do! But after 6 hours I text her a picture of the cake and tell her how upset I am. An hour later her husband calls! Apologizing up and down telling me a sob story and asking me to meet him the next day so he can get the cake. I agree, go to the same meeting place at the time he chose... 45mins later... nothing. 

Duck your had to have it early, sick joke excuse, no show, waste of my time bitches! Your cake is at the bottom of the ducking river!

So, please don't ask me why you have to pay up front from now on, call this bitch and ask her!

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BB's Final Thoughts:

KaBOOM!! Haha!